Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
