I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
