Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
