I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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