Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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