Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
