So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
