i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
