hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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