you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
