New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
