how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
