He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
tell me about the fingering
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
