i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
