The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
