So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize