bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
