god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize