Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
