i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
