the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
