He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
