I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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