i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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