get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
