okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
