I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
