I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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