You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
