were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
