Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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