I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
