So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Please, let me fuck your mom
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
