This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
