We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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