If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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