yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
