I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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