Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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