i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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