Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
