Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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