I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
