handjob tips. give me some.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
