I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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