I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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