The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
