I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
