So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
