my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize