Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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