Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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