We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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