smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
