I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
