So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
