I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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