two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
