I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
