I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
