There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
