So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
