During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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