Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
