I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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