I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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