Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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