He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
