The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
