this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
