Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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