Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Found the puke drawer
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
